Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
