Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize