Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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