i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
