It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
