I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
