OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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