Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
