Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
