what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
