did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
