he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize