i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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