my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize