White coat. Heels.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
