I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
