i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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