Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
