uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
