I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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