Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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