I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
