Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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