I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
