Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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