why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
