Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize