This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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