my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
