you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize