I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
