we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
