Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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