tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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