so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
