i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
