Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
