No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
