I'd wear matching sweaters with you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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