you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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