if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
