Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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