Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i will never coherently bang her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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