At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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