im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Say something about gay babies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
