I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
