3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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