im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
