I want to stick my p in your. b.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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