i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
