Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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