ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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