i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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