Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize