I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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