he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
