If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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