we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
