I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's blow job season.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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