did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
