i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think people are normalizing furries
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
