I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
