i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize