i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
