I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
