I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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