I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
